I have 3 generations before me of women (and men) who struggled with depression and anxiety. 3 beautiful women who constantly belittled themselves and their bodies. 3 wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers who struggled in themselves – who weren’t vocal, who didn’t feel empowered to seek help or talk openly about it. They worried endlessly, degraded themselves, and acted out to others. Being raised in that atmosphere, along with other incorrect philosophies and religious legalism, gave space to fear and insecurities and self-hate. It left me with little direction for my own struggles. 

So a few years ago when I finally began admitting that I have emotional and mental health struggles, it was enormously difficult and I’m still finding the balance between blaming myself resulting in being weighed down with guilt for my feelings and trapping myself in a place of excuses with no progression or healing. It was completely enlightening and scary to admit that I struggle with anxiety and depression. I felt like I didn’t deserve to claim that or to struggle in those ways – I’m still learning to accept that God’s grace and healing is for me just as much as someone with “real” problems. 

This long road to discovery is why when someone doesn’t understand or is dismissive of these feelings and struggles that I am battling so hard, it is hurtful and sets me back. I need people on my team – people who will fight hard with me. 

I will get better. I will heal. I will find some balance. I will learn coping skills. I will learn to speak truthfully and kindly about my struggles. I will fight the negativity. I will break the cycle. I will not live in fear. I will have healthy relationships. I will love; I will love others and accept Christ’s love to love myself. These are the things that I believe are possible in Christ. These are the fights.