When you (or someone you love) finally decide to “get help” it’s easy to think it will only take a few counseling sessions, or a few weeks on medication, or getting into a good exercise routine. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how it works. The decision to get better is crucial but is only the beginning.

It’s easier to tread water than to swim for shore.

I underestimated the added stress that would come – that it would get worse before it got better. I didn’t realize how many lunch breaks I would spend on hold with insurance to try to figure out coverage. I didn’t know it could take weeks to get in to see someone or that sometimes people just don’t call back. I didn’t know how rude someone could be on the other end of the line when you were calling to try to get help. I didn’t know how expensive medication and doctor visits and counseling could be and the mental energy it would take to budget the extra bills and the consequent guilt that follows. I didn’t think about what excuse to give at work to leave for an appointment. I didn’t realize how many details there would be and how hard it would be to navigate those details when I didn’t feel worth it. I didn’t expect all the memories that would come up and the truth I would face about my upbringing; how things I thought weren’t a big deal are still affecting me as an adult. I didn’t know the boundaries I would need to put up and how many wouldn’t understand. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to sit with a professional and not even know where to start or what to tell them. I didn’t think about how to answer when they ask “Do you ever think of hurting yourself? Do you ever have suicidal thoughts?” because I don’t want to be reported or hospitalized but yes, I think about it all the time.

I didn’t realize this was going to be a journey on my own.

No one is checking in when you miss an appointment. No one is asking if you need to make another appointment when you just haven’t had the time to schedule it. No one is making sure you get your medication refilled or that you’re even actually taking it. No one is offering solutions to help you afford care. Rarely does someone offer options around your full-time work schedule. Few people are volunteering to babysit so you can create those healthy habits or make an appointment or make time for yourself. Even when you’re trying, it’s too easy to slip through the cracks.

Find advocates and be your own advocate.

Cling to the few who do invest in your journey and when you can, be that person for someone else.

Mental health is a journey, not a goal. It’s a process. It’s going to take time. If you are in the midst of it, don’t give up. It’ll take more than a few counseling sessions. It takes at least 6 weeks to see full effects of medication. It may take several medications. It may take time to balance hormones or build some healthy habits of self care. It takes time to relearn communication, to fight lies in your mind. Self-awareness takes time.

Don’t give up. Keep asking for help, keep calling, keep trying things.

And if you need someone with you in the journey, let me know.