Here’s the thing. I can’t see beauty anymore – I can’t see it, I can’t feel it. Sometimes in whispers, but not in full. I know it’s there. I try to lean into it. I just can’t get lost in it like I used to.

There is a wall between me and the beauty. Or maybe a dirty window. I know it’s there, I can see it through the fog, but there is always something between me and the beauty.

I want to throw open the window. I’ve tried to will it away, but I’m not strong enough. I fight it. I press my face against it. I try to break through it or push it aside.

If I’m honest though, the fighting is so hard. It’s easier to just sit behind the wall, the dirty window, and accept what I can seemingly never change.