When I’m spiraling, I can easily get lost in cycles of complete self-hatred. It’s a strong word, but I realized that if I was thinking, talking, and having these feelings towards another person instead of myself, it would be hate and it would be wrong. It’s almost harder to combat self-hatred, though. So what do you do when you feel hateful towards someone else? As a Christian, we are told to pray for them – so I guess I should be praying for myself? The problem is, when I’m in that state of constant negativity and self-hatred, I can’t. I don’t know how. “Help me, Jesus” is powerful, but I sometimes I can barely muster that.

One day, I felt out of options and desperate, so I looked at myself in the mirror and prayed for myself in the third person as if I was praying for someone else. Something about that broke the cycle. Praying for myself as if I was praying for one of my sisters or a friend, it changed the way I prayed. If someone else was feeling that way, I would pray hard and pray specifically. I realized that God wants the same healing for me as He would for my sisters, and I want that healing too. It helped me form the words, it gave me compassion for myself.

It sounds crazy, but I’m tired of doing the same old things that don’t work. I’m tired of getting in damaging cycles. God is the Creator and I believe He can give us new ways to think and train our minds.